DA BOMBa

Growing up in post war Kosovo meant that anytime something NEW was introduced into the market everyone rushed to try it or see it. And no, this post isn’t about drugs. But I’d be a pretty hard core 9 year-old if it was. In a country where you could buy cigarettes for your “parents” starting at 2 months old, I recently remembered a certain product which one supermarket seller lady actually HESITATED to give me. And that was an energy drink called Bomba, which is apparently still something you can buy in some places in Europe, but I haven’t seen it since that first week it dropped in the 038 (a.k.a Prishtina, a.k.a the capital, a.k.a a city designed with vague Yugo-Soviet dreams that, once completed, the architects agreed to never speak of again. For more information Google our National Library.) This drink was an electric blue fluid that came in a bottle shaped like a grenade (according to their website (yes they have one) this design won some awards but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and tasted like blue Fanta.

No you’re not hard cooorreee, unless you live hard coooreeee

The ads looked super hot and exciting and energizing, so of course all the children wanted it. And I got it a grand total of 2 TIMES PEOPLE. I had to abandon all sense of dignity, and prostrate myself at my parents’ feet for the change to go buy some. But ultimately, with grit and determination, I achieved my goal, got that cash and BOOKED it to the store. I kept the glass bottle after my first try because I was like, “You know what’s cool? A fake grenade.” And I had already started to build this idea in my head of myself as some cool gyal who bought energy drinks in fake grenades on the regular. My peers would both envy me and want to be me. Then I felt like such a bad ass the second time I went to the supermarket to get my hit, and the supermarket lady looked at me, looked at the bottle, looked at her co-worker, and asked her “Should I be selling her this?”

Ultimately she sold it to me, but that moment forever solidified my inner sense of coolness and daring. I stopped buying them though because my parents had me on a budget (1 euro every 2 months lol), and I could get like 50 Pop Keks for the price of a Bomba. Decisions were made.

Still the reigning Lil Miss Supreme of Balkan snacks

Introduction | noitcudortnI

Hello hello!

I’ve started this crispy site with the intention of sharing things that are beautiful and funny. Some stuff may be of use to others who knows. Maybe like 2 people will read this (probably) but who knows. I guess I’ll start off with an explanation of why the site is called what it’s called.

I took a creative writing class in grade eleven because I was under the assumption that it would be a class where I would be allowed to write creatively. Obviously this was a LIE, because everything that I wrote was sort of looked at with immense sadness by the teacher, who played Royalty Free “Inspirational” music during class to keep our creative juices flowing. I liked to write scenes about an Ikea furniture builder who did synchronized swimming on his spare time to meet some ladieez. Or about an old lady whose cat was trying to convince her to murder the goldfish.

One particular “essay” I wrote was a step-by-step guide on how to be a North American tourist. A large portion of this was dedicated to the overall look one had to achieve:

“First, you must make sure that you are well “put together” for your trip. Packing unneeded clothes and accessories only leads to future headaches.
It is important to remember that khaki is the most durable fabric you could wear. Preferably in a short. These shorts must not be too short (perhaps a little over your knee) and must have a waist well above the belly button. This is to provide maximum comfort and coverage, for there’s nothing more embarrassing then when you bend over to pick something up and a little bit of your lower back shows. If you wish to give off a more classy appearance, khaki is available in various styles. For the ladies who wish to look nice for a night out on the town, they could wear the ever-coveted khaki skort, and the gentlemen always have the option of long khaki pants for evenings.

…it is always important to remember your feet. The temperature of your feet can determine the temperature of your entire body, so make sure you are always prepared. The best solution for podiatric temperature control is the classy, thick, brown sandal with a crisp pair of white socks. Not only is this look a timeless classic, it also allows your feet to adapt to any fluctuation of temperature. Sandals and socks (or S&S) also sends a clear message to others that you have no time to be sidetracked because you have places to go and things to see. So by wearing the sock and sandal, not only are you taking care of your feet, but you are also sending a message to anyone who sees them.”

Ms. “Such-a-square-it-was-painful” didn’t mark me too generously on this one (TOUCHED A NERVE MUCH) but I spent hours laughing about it with my sister so IDGAF. Years later and I still love it, which is why this site is called what it’s called.